Updated on February 1, 2017
HI, feeling a little on the down side of life today. Hopping that things will get better and I'll be running free again soon. I know that sometimes what I write about is sad and people don't much like sad, but it is life and there is no way around what life throws at you. I guest it is just in me to be sad this way, because I feel the hurt that is forced on others like myself to live the way that society chooses us to live. Not many of us can live the life that we dreamed of living because to many others out there will not let that happen. I for one never cared about what others think about me, so I have lived my life for myself. I know that there are some out there that are not able to live the way I do and try to be happy in one's self. Sure it is not a bed of rose, in fact it is mostly trons. I live in one of the worst place's that a trans can live. I live in South,Ga. Here if you ain't white you don't belong here, that is the way they have always been and I really don't think it will ever change.
Today is one of my better days as for the way I feel. I am up and I am writing, that is a good sign for me. Most of the time, I can't breath good enough to want to do anything. I found that I have plenty time to think about things and the way life really is. We all move through life at our own pace and we all in up in a different place. When I made the choose to out myself and show the world what a transwoman was like, I did it on my own. I asked no one for help, so I stood alone. I am not brave or am I some kind of hero, I am just me living the life I see me as. I love dressing and being a transwoman, because that is what I am and I have known this all my life, it just didn't happen to pop up that way, it was inside of me all the time, from when I was a child. I knew that I was different, but I also knew that I needed to show my true colors. I also know that for the most of you, you can not do that. You know what you have to lose and you don't want to lose any of it. You want that good job, you want that nice house, you want all those so called friends and you want that family, but what you don't have is your true self. You live a lie everyday of your life and for some reason it does not bother you that there are people like me out there standing up for your right to live your true life. It is sad, but it is true and you know it to be so. I am not mad at you for wanting all the good things out of life, but I am mad at you for not supporting trans people like myself for standing up for you. Sure live in your nice house and enjoy your good times, but one day it will all come to an end for you, because sooner or later someone will out you and that will be the end of your great life. I know that not everyone can be as strong and have the courage to show the world who you really are, but the least you can do is support those that do stand up for you.
I have given up must of my adult life to show the world that transwoman are real woman, not just a joke or a monster in the closet. We are just as real as any woman out there. I feel and I hurt just as any woman does when someone say's something bad about me or to me. And for the most part the law says I can't do or say anything about it to them because that would put me in the wrong, because there are no laws to protect my rights as a trans person here in south,Ga. Everyone else is right and I am wrong, because society says that is the way it is and if I don't like it, just leave, well, I'm not going anywhere, yet. I will be here till my last dying breath, saying the same thing, I have the right to live my life as I have chosen to, I did not and I do not have to have your approval.
I know now that I have not made much of a difference here, but I am sure that I have made some kind of difference in someone life, maybe not yours, but someones.
The thing is here, at this point in my life I have nothing left to lose. I am at the end of my life here, because of my health I am dying and there is nothing any doctor can do for me except to try and make me as comfortable as possible, that's it, there is no cure for what I have, it can't be fixed, even with money they can't fix it. All I have left is what I can write and talk about. I know that it does no good to complain about something unless someone is willing to stand up for it. I could have just sat here and no done anything to try and help the trans community, but I didn't, and not one time has the trans community tried to help me. Sure I am sure they have more important things to do like march for gay rights, but trans people are for the most part not even part of those gay rights, I never though of myself as being gay, just being a woman was all I ever wanted to be, never liked dressing as a male looking for a male, I am a female looking for a male, or female. Yes I enjoy the company of women as well as men. That's my choice.
I guest what I am trying to say here is soon I'll be running free in heaven and you will be on your own to stand for yourself, or you will be just hiding in the same old closet , it's up to you. My life is ending, let yours begin, don't let what others will think of you stop you from living out your dream.
Remember this is just my point of view, the rest is up to you.
I am Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson
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